What a day! First day of a new school year! First day of Kindergarten for my daughter, first day of 4th grade for my son, first day of year 13 for my music-teacher husband, and the first, first day of school that I’m not teaching. *Whew!* That’s a lot of things to feel!

Really though, I’m doing alright. It was nice to be able to honestly say that this morning. I mean, there’s the fact that my baby’s in kindergarten, and that’s a bit rough. But, she’s with two of the most amazing people I know, so I know she’s going to have a great year! My son only has two years of elementary left and I feel like I’m trying to soak up every moment of it that we can. Time just goes so fast. He loves school so much though, so I’m happy for him that he is back.

But yeah, the school year starting and not being *there* as a teacher is different. Yes, I miss it (especially the people), but I am thankful my August was less hectic than it usually is. I didn’t have a classroom to set up, but I am thankful that I am set up to be more present with my family when they come home each day. My part time work-from-home gigs are really going well and I’m very thankful for them. It still feels different in a this-wasn’t-where-I-thought-I’d-be-in-life sort of way, but I’m thankful that God knows what is best for me and is always working all things for the good of those who love Him.

And, He really does know what I need. This slower pace of life has been so healing for me. The dizziness has pretty much stopped altogether (except when being in overstimulating environments like watching the new Spiderverse movie in the theaters!) which is a huge answer to prayers! I am also continuing to make slow and steady progress with driving. I drove myself to the kids’ school this morning for their First Day, All School Chapel. It is such a special event and time to worship the Lord together and pray over the year. I didn’t want to miss it!

The drive felt like a bit of a stretch from the drives I’ve been doing lately, but I’m so thankful that God helped calm my nerves and my vision enough to be able to go. I didn’t even have to take breaks along the way! That is also HUGE progress and an answer to prayers!

It feels so silly and a bit embarrassing to be telling you about how I’m excited that “I drove myself to school” as a 30-something, but I hope that you see why I’m sharing this, and why I write any of these blogs at all. I want you to know that you are not alone! You are seen, loved, supported, and cared for! We ALL have our own challenges that we face. We all have struggles that make us feel all the feels like: worry, embarrassment, frustration, overwhelm, sorrow, hurt, etc.

It’s especially hard to go through those trials when we heap the “I should have overcome this or moved past it already” shame onto ourselves. (Guilty! Now let’s all agree to stop doing that!) I want you to know that God sees you, loves you, and he is actively working in your life. You may not like it, or see it, but he is up to something that is for your ultimate good.

I’m thrilled that God has allowed me to experience physical healing from the dizziness and increased capacity to drive! But, even if I was still holding onto the walls with every step or having to rely 100% on others to drive me where I needed to go, I know that God would still be using these challenges in my life for my good.

I have grown so much in my dependency on Him to provide for me and my family’s daily needs in the last two years. Having to ask for and accept so much help from others has taught me more about how deep God’s love is for me really is. These people are not helping me because of anything I can do to repay them, but because they love me and are extending God’s love to me too. It’s like that with Christ, there is nothing that I can bring to him to buy His love or forgiveness. It is a gift freely, and lavishly given! If you don’t know the love of Christ or aren’t sure it extends to you, please message me. I would love to talk to you!

On the way home from the chapel I heard a familiar song on the radio. I usually think of this song when I’m in the midst of the crisis-state of a trial, singing along to it through tears.

“When you don’t move the mountains, I needed you to move,
When you don’t part the waters, I wished I could walk through,
When you don’t give the answers as I cry out to You,
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!” (Trust in You – Lauren Daigle)

Today, I feel like I’m blessed to be able to sing that song with new perspective. I am able to sing it as a song of praise for those unanswered prayers to heal my dizziness earlier or differently. Sometimes I think, maybe if He had done something differently, I’d still be teaching right now. But then I think, maybe if He had, I would have missed out on the opportunity to get to know and trust Him more.